You know what I hate?
I hate being guilt-tripped by my utility companies.
Wait — a reasonable person might say — this is a lovely Sunday in gorgeous Southern California at the start of the holidays. And you’re breaking with the hate?
This is a time to be thankful and to count our blessings and to burn the yule log with the fam and friends, no?
Of course it is.
And I am ordinarily not only not particularly cranky, I am not usually at all cranky about utility companies, which deliver all this light and heat and fill up the smoking-hot O’Keefe & Merritt range that makes dinner great around here.
I do not swear bi-monthly at the appearance of the electric bill, the trash bill, the water bill. No tinker’s damns at the monthly sight of the gas bill. I just pay them.
And there’s some promotions from local utilities of which I approve. Like the Los Angeles County Sanitation Districts took out a nicely timed half-page ad in local newspapers — God bless ‘em — recently that noted, simply: “Fats, Oils & Grease Clog Pipes,” a notion in some sans-serif bold placed over a photo of a (man’s) hand tilting a nasty saute pan filled with fats, oils and grease right into the sink. Such behavior can “create blockages” on down the line, the copy notes. They sure got that right.
No, the crankiness comes out when I have to read the “Home Energy Usage Reports” that now arrive with every bill to scold me about my profligate ways as opposed to those thrifty “comparable neighbors.”
“You used more water than similar households,” says the latest missive from the city’s water utility. “Top Savers” used 139 gallons a day. “Average Households” used 241 gallons a day. But “You” — that would be me — used 398 gallons per day.
“Your water used is compared to homes with 2 occupants and a similar yard size,” chides the bi-monthly reprimand.
Then it’s the power people: “You used 40% more than your neighbors. Efficient neighbors: 623 kWh. All neighbors: 1,140 kWh. You: 1,598 kWh.”
And yet somehow there must be some decent insulation in the joint, because Southern California Gas, while noting that “Efficient Homes” used 7 therms, “You” used 18 therms, while “Similar Homes” used … 19! I’m one therm greener than thou, similars!
Here’s why the castigation bothers. We bought, 35 years ago, the smallest cottage — 1,250 square feet — in a neighborhood of more-or-less mansions. There are no, or just one or two, adequate comps in walking distance. We’re surrounded by lawyers and doctors and titans of industry. To find a comp, I’m guessing you have to look in a fine working-class neighborhood east of here, near where I went to high school, filled with tiny homes. Homes from which the residents must leave at the crack of dawn and return to late in the evening from their jobs.
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Because when I say “here,” I mean this working-at-home business — I haven’t seen the inside of a newsroom in over two and a half years. That means that my bosses are making out like bandits, saving as they are on rent and heat and light on the fact that we journos gather only virtually. Otherwise the thermostat goes up — or the AC goes on — each morning on my own dime as I work from this lovely stand-up desk. Not complaining. Just saying that that’s the new energy reality.
I do have a garden. The tiny lawn is half-brown. The irrigation is down to the mandated once a week. If it’s not precisely a xeriscape out this window in the tranquil yard — which I am indeed thankful for — I’m not growing alfalfa, either.
So enough with the hectoring! But, OK. I will endeavor to do better. To run an efficient home.
Larry Wilson is on the Southern California News Group editorial board. lwilson@scng.com.